Active/Empathetic Listening

1. Listen patiently to what the other person has to say, even though you may believe it is wrong or irrelevant. Indicate simple acceptance (not necessarily agreement) by nodding, or perhaps injecting an occasional "hmmm", or " I see".

2. Try to understand the feeling the person is expressing as well as the intellectual content. Most of us have difficulty talking clearly about our feelings, so you need to give careful attention.

3. Restate the person's feelings, briefly but accurately. At this stage, you simply serve as a mirror, and encourage the other person to continue talking. Occasionally make summary responses such as "You think you deserved an award." or " You feel the manager is being political in recognizing your colleague", but in doing so, keep you tone neutral and try not to lead the person to any conclusions.

4. Allow time for discussion to continue without interruption, and try to separate the conversation from more official communication of company business. That is, do not make the conversation any more authoritative than it already may be by virtue of your position in the organization.

5. Avoid direct questions and arguments about facts: refrain from saying "That’s just not so!”, "Hold on a minute, let's look at the facts" ' or "Prove it!” You may want to review the evidence later, but review is irrelevant to how a person feels now.

6. When the other person touches on a point you want to know more about simply repeat their question as a question. For instance, if s/he remarks "Nobody can demonstrate the One-NASA behaviors!” you probe by replying 'No one demonstrates One-NASA behaviors?" With this encouragement, s/he will probably expand on their previous statement.

7. Listen for what isn’t a said - evasion of pertinent points or perhaps too-ready agreement with common clichés. Such an omission may be a clue to a bothersome fact the person wishes was not true.

8. If the other person appears genuinely to want your viewpoint, be honest in your reply. But in the listening stage, try to limit the expression of your views since these may influence or inhibit what the other person says.

9. Don't get emotionally involved yourself. Try to simply understand first, and defer evaluation until later.

Most of us need a great deal of practice and self-awareness before we can comfortably follow these guidelines for listening. Much of the time we have to take a positive, self‑confident role, make decisions and give direction. Clearly, active/empathetic listening calls for a change of style. We are likely to lose touch with what is really happening unless we develop the self-discipline and humility to listen respectfully to what others are trying to communicate to us.